The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
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