I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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