I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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