it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
