I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
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