is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
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