I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
