You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
