I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
