Well douche your snatch and let's go!
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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