i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
i used baking grease as lip gloss
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
