textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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