and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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