I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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