I want to have your abortion
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
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