Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
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Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
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There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize