I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
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Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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