How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
