No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
