At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
