grandma shit on top of the toilet
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
