dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Randomize
