HIV tests are more positive than that guy
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Randomize
