we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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