Whats the glycemic index on semen?
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
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