I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
