my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
