Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I would fuck him just for his dog
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
