im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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