I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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