Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
