I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
