Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
