i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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