I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
