Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
