Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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