Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
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