I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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