I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
