Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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