So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize