Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
