from now on my penis is your penis
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
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If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
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Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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