I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
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