If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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