Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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