Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
why is half of my head shaved?
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize