Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
