What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
