I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
