Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
