cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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