You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
