I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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