just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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