Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
