I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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