i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
