I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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